Saturday, February 12, 2011
Group Essay Collaboration
My paragraph has mostly stayed the same, I added the missing commentary to my last concrete detail but that is about it besides minor editing. The commentary talks about how beauty in a relationship should not be the main concept of it. It is elaborating on the other commentary and it is a little bit repetitive but we can talk about it on Monday. I can not think of a conclusion for my paragraph though, because the next paragraph is about Algernon and the topic for that is marriage, and to tie mine in is difficult without sounding redundant. What should I do? Also for the conclution paragraph I think that it is great, but if we could somehow magically incorporate how all of our ideas make the characters lives a work of art...if that is possible? If you think that I need to add or take something out of my paragraph from what you heard on Friday please tell me.
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Okay, I'm confused because I can't seem to find your paragraph. So I'll just give you feedback based on what I heard on Friday.
ReplyDeleteYour paragraph sounds so professional! Diction is great, you are an amazing writer.
For your conclusion, you could relate Lady Bracknell's obsession with looks to Algernon's obsession with how he looks to others.
I remembered that your paragraph seemed long on Friday, but could not recall if it was double spaced. If it wasn't, then I think that you should condense it a little.
Well, Mrs. Gilman said that we can just address part of the prompt, so I don't think that we have to add that in. But if you think we need it, we should discuss that on Monday. Maybe we could talk about how the diction of Gwendolyn, the looks obsession of Lady Bracknell, and the appearance to others obsession of Algernon and how despite their wrongness, together they create a work of art. Does that make sense?
GREAT JOB!!